Mulligans

I’m posting so early in the a.m. hoping that today is my mulligan for yesterday.  All the little things–mostly tech and interwebs related–that could have gone wrong, did.  Today is a fresh start, and my fingers are crossed! That being said, I haven’t fussed with my phone yet, and I haven’t gotten into work so….

Mulligans have been on my mind as the Mister and I are at a crossroad with Thing 2. The Reader’s Digest version of her story is that she ditched school last month, and when she couldn’t be found (by neither the school nor I), the police were summoned.  She was eventually found at a friend’s home (whose mother had called her in sick), but when the police found Thing 2 and her friend, they were in this basement hangout room that looked like a meth lab, and unfortunately (for everyone involved) when the police went to call this into the station, they walked into the boiler room (which was next to the meth lab hangout) where they found bongs and other drug-related crap.

In that instant, everyone’s lives changed.

The drug crap was determined to be the mom’s boyfriend’s. The girls claimed to have no knowledge of it. When the friend’s mom called him via cell to ask about it (mentioning that the police were there), you could actually hear him run the hell outa Dodge.  Accordingly, the mom was arrested for possession and child endangerment. Thing 2 and her friend were released to me.  Thing 2’s friend was eventually picked up by the state child welfare agency (DYFS) and delivered to another relative.

But the fun doesn’t end there.  Since Thing 2 was involved, my family is also under investigation.  We get both surprise and scheduled visits from DYFS to check on the state of our home, our refrigerator, the kids.  The state is also conducting random checks of all three Things’ school records, talking to their teachers, their pediatrician, etc.  The case will not close until everything seems consistently normal.  When, because I really want to know, is life consistently normal?

This is stressful.  Just when it seems to settle down, there’s another visit and stress levels climb once again.

The crux of the matter is that Thing 2 hates school. She always has.  Most likely she always will. On good days, she’s ambivalent.  Most days, she’s absolutely miserable.  My thoughts? Thing 2 needs a mulligan. Take her out of school. Give her an early gap year. Create positive learning experiences so when she goes back into high school, she’s got those to draw from. My family has stepped up to the plate and delivered almost too many viable options, and this has the added attraction of separating her from her friends.  The Mister thinks she needs to tough it out.  And with tons of support and allies around her, that builds confidence, too.  His feeling is, and he’s right, when situations get tough, you can’t just pick up and leave–you’ve got to learn how to get through it.

God, parenting sucks sometimes.  I guess this is why we’re paid the big bucks.

 

 

 

About onthelamb

a knitter, a runner, a mother, a reader.
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12 Responses to Mulligans

  1. Dorre says:

    Sending hugs

  2. Jennifer says:

    I am so sorry that this all happened to you! You seem like a fantastic parent from what I have seen in your posts, and hopefully the visits are just a formality and they will see quickly that you are not in the same league as the other parent.

  3. Shaz says:

    I totally sympathise with your story. Please know that you are a fantastic parent and you will make the right decision. Lets hope they up our wages soon to take on to account how specialised and dam difficult a job it is. X

    • paigesato says:

      I know there will be light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. It just seems so long and dark right now. Sometimes I wonder if the government can shut down, why can’t parents? Probably because the entire world would come to a complete halt.

      • shazruns says:

        I have travelled through tat tunnel with madam 1 now at 22 she realises mum was right and we are building bridges, hopefully she won’t set fire to ths one. Wishing you the best so luck and sending hugs and kisses across the sea x

  4. I am SO sorry to hear you are going through this. Every parent’s nightmare. How old is your daughter? I have a 17 year old who is pretty much off the rails too but at least so far no police, although everything else possible has been going on….parenting is SO SO hard. You give your all – and I believe you are a good parent, just like I believe I am a good parent – but we just can’t control the stupid messes they get themselves into. I have been reading mumsnet a lot – if only to reassure myself that there are others who have it even worse. Oh joy. I’m thinking of you…stay strong!

    • paigesato says:

      Thing 2 is 15. All of this is sorta a “worst nightmare” scenario, but I realize there are others out there in much worse situations. You think you’re doing a good job, and BOOM! And the funny, yet at the same time sad, thing is, every time I look at her, I see her 3 year old sweet self. crushing.

  5. None of us ever know when triumph or trouble will come knocking on our door, invite itself in and take the best seat in the house. I’m feeling for you.

  6. Red Hen says:

    You are such a wonderful parent and person! How stressful for you! I also feel for your girl, and of course, the rest of your family, who are each, in their own way, affected by this. The only thing I know is, that at times of deep trouble, we have to try to stay calm and work through the process leaving ourselves open to a solution emerging from somewhere, even if it seems very far away. This too shall pass. Blessings to you, Paige.

  7. marob23 says:

    Wow Paige – I really feel for you, and glad you feel you can share this time via your blog. You always strike me as a pretty amazing person and I am sure your family will get through this time, and Thing 2 will come out the other side stronger. I am not a religious person, but I reckon most things happen for a reason, and I have done some stupid stuff in my time and I know that the stupid stuff helped me grow as much as the good stuff ( if not more) . hang on in there – keep running, knitting and writing in such an honest and readable way.

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